Matters Of The Heart
We all know that famous song sang by the one and only Tina Turner. We all remember hearing it and thinking it was the steamiest thing on the radio back in the day. That is if you were “back in the day”. If not, Youtube it, it’s hot! Tina exudes sexuality!
But seriously, times have changed! We hear and see much steamier images through our entertainment today. Not half naked women, but 3/4 naked women were just sporting the catwalk last night in the Victory Secret fashion show. Magic Mike is giving women much less to leave to the imagination as well. And who didn’t get a little lit up, when they watched the shirtless wolf in Twilight?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining! What I am seeing is more and more women of all ages asking, “what’s love got to do with it?” If I take my clothes off, dance provocatively, do a little strip tease, or have sex with my man, is that loving him?
Young women have always, but more now than ever, gotten the message that sex shows love.
Of course love can and should be sexy at times. Sex is an expression of your love. It’s a way to put a partner’s pleasure and wants before your own, thereby saying “I do, because I love”. Now that doesn’t mean he can ask for what ever he seeing on the porn channel and question your love if you refuse! No, no, no! Tell him he needs to read this article!
This is where loving yourself enough to have boundaries comes in. Boundaries are completely acceptable in all types of relationships. Boundaries are needed. If someone asks you to cross your sexual boundaries in an unhealthy way, you should be questioning their love for you! Compromise is necessary in every aspect of a relationship so talk things out, weigh your options, explain your discomfort, but honor your choices and boundaries. And your partner should want to honor them too.
Let’s not get boundaries confused with conditions or manipulation. Sex shouldn’t be used as control or a reward, or bait to receive love.
Love can not be demanded, or dictated when and where it will come. It does not come with stipulations or addendums.
It is free! Free to give, free to get. You can sell sex, pay for a marriage, buy companionship, but real love comes purely from grace and free will.
So how do we recognize the difference between just sex and love with sex? Communicate. Pay attention to the silent clues. Is there a complete desire to give and genuinely care for your partner? And is it reciprocated freely? If you and your partner agreed to not have sex for one week, could you spend the same amount of time together? Did you get gratification from this time together without the sex?
If the answer is yes, then you’ve got a chance that when you have sex together it is “all about love!”
Certified Life Coach
Regret weighs heavier than fear…don’t be afraid to soar!