Matters Of The Heart
As a writer I truly believe in the power of words. Words have the power to build, to destroy, to encourage, to enhance, to form relationships, and among many other things to create. As a Christian I believe life and death are in the power of the tongue. I believe this to mean I will have the things I speak. I will have the things I allow others to speak in my life. I will have what I listen to. I also believe that the words I speak and listen to, once I connect with them will bring forth manifestation of what I say.
I was always a positive person growing up and then life happened with some major hurts, pains, and disappointments. You see almost 20 years ago I let the devil ride and the saying is true he truly took over and started driving. I was lying in bed one Sunday morning and all of a sudden I wanted to kill my boyfriend. Immediately my head turned, exorcist like, and the thought came to me.” Naw, don’t kill him, kill yourself.” The voice was real sneaky and suggestive, almost snakelike if you can imagine that. I proceeded with my day on a quest to kill myself. I walked to a store that was right behind the house that I visited regularly and the clerk said jokingly, “You are walking like you need a V8.” I laughed not even realizing I wasn’t walking upright; but like I said I was on a mission and was not even snapped back into reality. I purchased the pack of cigarettes and went back home. I had decided on carbon monoxide poisoning. I went back into the house and my boyfriend was still lying in bed resting peacefully. I proceeded to his car and lit all the cigarettes, kept the windows up and thought, this is taking to long. So I went inside the house and loaded up on all medications I could find.
This next part is what makes me say God has a plan for my life and the devil and demon possession is real. I made a call to my cousin around 9am who did not live far away from me at the time to let her know I was taking an overdose. We were always really close and I was planning on taking a trip with her to Virginia. I had called her that morning to tell her I would be going with them. We ended the call normally because she did not believe me. I know this was God intervening. He told Satan you can touch her but you cannot take her life. There was a war going on; not just in the heavenlies but also within me. After hanging up the phone with me she called her sister to tell her what I had done. She called her mother, who worked with my mother, my mother called my sister, everybody was calling each other. With each call that was made they all said the same thing: “Jackie who, not our Jackie” nobody believed Happy Jack had done something like this. Throughout the day my family called my boyfriend asking to speak with me and each time they called they were told I was asleep. He was clueless, he did not know that as I lay beside him I was dying. Finally at 8 pm his mom answered the phone and she said Jackie is asleep and my sister told them what I had done. Hysteria broke out as they tried to awaken me and my sisters listened at this same time my cousin and her husband had made it to the house. I was told he was trying to clean me up because I had passed a bowel on myself; passing from life to eternity. When they got me to the ER the person that was checking me in asked if I had insurance. WHAT???? My cousin asked, “Does she look like she can answer you?’ She asked the nurse as I sat in the wheelchair they used to bring me in foaming out of the mouth with my eyes rolling to the back of my head. I laugh now, but when I was first told I thought that was ridiculous. If you saw it in a movie you would laugh and think it could not be real. I do not recall any of this; I was out from that Sunday until that Tuesday. When I did finally awake I was my jovial and joking playful self, but things had changed. My body would be different, my family would be different, my boyfriend would be different, and my life was never the same.
My point is don’t give the devil a ride because he will drive before you even notice. Only feed yourself positive and stay around positive people. The past is only necessary when used to rebuild, edify, encourage, or uplift. You can get good lessons from the past but don’t let anyone make you live there. Even when I wasn’t able my family used words to pray for me. Speak the things you want and don’t give the devil room. I wanted to encourage you no matter what you have been through you can speak new life into your life and become a better you, the you God created you to be.