Matters Of The Heart
Have you ever felt like you married the wrong man? Not an “I need to get a divorce because I hate you” marriage, more like an “I wonder if I followed God’s plan for me?” marriage. Sometimes I feel that way. I listen to my husband tell the story of how he was love struck and knew he was going to marry me the first time he laid eyes on me, and I think back to when I first laid eyes on him. I didn’t hear any singing angels or ringing bells and I didn’t see any flashing lights that read; “HE IS THE ONE!” To be honest, I didn’t even see him the same day he saw me and when I did see him, I used him as a resource for answers in college math. The bible says in Proverbs 18:22- “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.” Being that I wasn’t given a sign, I figured God must have only given the go ahead to my husband and skipped me since I wasn’t the one looking for a wife.
My husband first laid eyes on me in 1997, and by late 1999, we went on our first date. In March of 2000 we were an official couple and in December of 2000 he asked me to marry him and I said yes. In 2001 we moved in together. My husband and I entered college at the same time and were supposed to graduate at the same time, but only I graduated. He sat out a year because he didn’t get his financial aid in by the deadline so he worked full time and made good money. We were living the high life, taking trips, eating at expensive restaurants, and wearing the finest clothes. After all, he was great in math; he had to have been great with his money too right? It was just us; I thought we could afford to splurge. I had no idea that man couldn’t borrow a dollar from the bank if he wanted to.
There were no major problems in our relationship; we had our highs and lows as with any couple. As the years went by, four to be exact, I decided that we might as well get married. In 2005, we were married, and continued life as usual.
In 2006, when we started looking for a house, is when I started questioning if I’d married the right man. What do you mean you have bad credit? You owe HOW MUCH? Are you serious? Since when? But that was 10 years ago, how did you have a credit card then? Much less three?
Determined to continue my dream of home ownership, we ended up buying a house in 2007 based off of my credit score and his salary, which in my opinion, should be illegal. Needless to say, everything is in my name from the mortgage to the water bill and I had to depend on him to bring home the bacon in order to get all of the bills paid. Of course by 2008, he no longer worked at the high paying job and had to pick up a second job to make ends meet. He still had bills of his own he is trying to pay off on top of trying to pay half of our household bills.
In 2009 my goal was to clean up his credit, we wrote letters to the creditors for all of the incorrect items on his credit report and put him on a payment plan. He should have a FICO score in the mid 700’s by 2010 if all went according to plan. Naturally, he defaulted on those payment plans and never followed up with the credit bureaus about his faulty reports. By now, I am wondering what favor he was supposed to obtain from the lord for finding a wife and if I was entitled to half of it.
Here is it in 2012, and I’m still married to the same man with the same credit score that he had in 2006. He’s changed jobs three more times and I changed once. Mine was a step up and his were equal or steps down. 90% of all the bills fall in my lap, including daycare, groceries, all of the utilities and 80% of the mortgage. He works two jobs, and is hardly ever at home. Meanwhile I can’t go anywhere because I have to determine if it is worth my money. Even more so now, that we are behind on our mortgage and have collectors calling my job; I question if I am being punished for something unbeknownst to me for marrying this man.
I’ve always grown up seeing the men in my family take care of their wives; they work one job and are at home by six. They have money for the bills and money for recreation. They expect dinner to be on the table at some point in the evening but don’t demand any unreasonable wifely tasks and they never ever ask their wives for money.
Where was the disconnect with me? Again I’m left questioning. Why didn’t I end up with a man like that? Were the signs there in the beginning and I turned a blind eye to them? What is so hard about being financially responsible? Can I file him as a dependent on my taxes? I love him, but I’d be better off without him. Is having bad credit a deal breaker in a marriage? Did I marry the wrong man?